Punishment and Reward

When do you punish or reward and how should you do it? What constitutes a reward or a punishment?

I split theses into 2 categories unconscious and concious. Concious rewards are the big or obvious things like getting her a drink, buying her dinner, taking her out somewhere nice etc. Unconscious rewards are things like kino, making her feel special and meaningful sex. Concious punishment is withholding things she wants like sex or attention. Unconscious punishment is to be avoided, it is when you do things without realising it yourself.

The general rule is punishments builds attraction/status but can undermine comfort, rewards build security/rapport.

Concious Rewards
As with anything this can differ depending on the girl, what you want and your pickup style. It is important to realise that it is the perceived effort here that is important as much as anything else.

e.g. 1
Let us imagine you have just started talking to a girl in a bar and it is obvious you both need a drink for it to not be awkward. If it is just you two then offering to buy a drink is a big undeserved reward. You will need to make her give you a reason to buy you one first (play a pointless game with the drink as a prize maybe), or you will assign too much value to her and lower your status. If however you are with a group of people and buying a drink for everyone then it would almost be rude not to, in this case it is not much of a reward.

e.g. 2
You take a girl to the zoo for a first date (lots of people say "dating" is bad but it has it's place, I'll post more on this later). If you work at the zoo or were going there anyway, you will probably build attraction as this is a cool and exciting thing to do. She will get good feeling and associate them with you. It is not really much of a reward though and you are not really assigning her much status as you are not really putting yourself out. If you have not reason for going apart from her, then it is a big reward and I would advise against it for a first date. You are once again raising her status at the expense of your own.

Unconscious Rewards
These can be one of the most useful comfort building tools in your armoury and should be very easy to do. This is great because it raises the status of the girl in relation to herself but not in relation to you. ie it makes her feel better about herself and does not really require much effort from you. This is what friends do for each other all the time. Some examples are:

• Remembering anything that is important to her
• Being a shoulder to cry on
• Looking after her (eg cock blocking someone else)
• Looking after the ordering in a restaurant
• Translating for her, or making a formal phone call (great for non-locals)

Word of warning however all this will ALWAYS make her like you, but you don't need to like someone to be attracted to them. Doing much of this without attraction is a highway to the friend zone. If you get there game will have to be shit hot to get out of, generally best to move on.

Concious Punishments
These are if possible the only type of punishments you should use. The best way to do this is to think of yourself as the prize, punish her by denying her part of yourself. Punish passively by not doing things rather than doing things, this way you elevate your own status above hers and not the other way round. Good ways to do this are:

• not seeing her
• inviting other people when you do
• withholding sex
• generally not giving her so much attention

You should only ever punish intent. Mistakes are not really worth punishing much, tell her off sure but it is how she thinks about you that matters. For example she breaks something important to you, this is only really worth punishing if you think she did not take appropriate care.

Don't punish her if she admits she was wrong, give her a chance to do so. A woman will NEVER admit blame during an argument or when you are telling her off (which will generally cause an argument). Get your points across, remain calm and don not let her change the subject. Then give her a while to calm down. If she sees she was being unreasonable, problem solved (maybe even a small unconscious reward). If not punish her.

Unconscious Punishments
These are bad and can destroy comfort, security and attraction. It generally happens because you are pissed off with her or have stopped caring and are not man enough to tell her to her face. It can be difficult to realise when you are doing this but it generally means that you are using concious punishments unintentionally. You are a man you should be in control, there is no excuse. All you can do here is to watch yourself be aware of your motivations and realise when you are being unreasonable.

There is one final category of punishments: silly/spiteful ones. Here I mean deliberately going out of your way to make her irritated or unhappy. This is both assigning more status to her at your own expense and destroying comfort/security levels. Women are hormonal and have an excuse for this, men do not. Just don't.